The Heroic Life

1. more peter petrelli using his powers, less peter petrelli making out with a large forehead

shirtless or not, the season is going to need a lot of peter petrelli using his powers if it is going to be enjoyable. it better not be like last season where he was all clueless and such. i realize part of the appeal of the series is that it’s not entirely a super hero show, but more like regular people coping with emerging super powers. however, i believe after the atrocity that was season two, we ALL deserve to see some epic showdowns.

2. an actual story arc sans extranneous characters no one cares about

things in season two didn’t really get going until quite some time. season three needs to step up and immediately establish a definitive bad guy/destruction of humanity plotline. then, there needs to be a healthy mix of main character development and plot movement. one of the huge mistakes of season two was how the plot moved like matt parkman running the mile and then they tossed in random side characters that NOBODY in the ENTIRE WORLD cared about (i won’t even dignify them by mentioning names). it was almost as if some writer kept throwing out ideas for “cool” characters, and not wanting to hurt his/her feelings, everyone just agreed. i don’t know, maybe said writer was somebody’s mentally challenged relative. at least, that’s what i’ll tell myself so that i can keep faith in HEROES.

3. a single midget

why, you ask? well more than one midget would make the show ridiculous. har har. but seriously, everyone knows that the addition of a midget always improves anything by at least ten fold. and i don’t just mean ratings, i mean actual substance. cases in point: professional wrestling, daytime soap opera, the act of tossing, chocolate factories, the land of OZ. i could continue this list all day long, except i have better things to do. (fine, other things to do (fine, nothing to do (fine, i’m going to sit at home and ogle the girls in the victoria’s secret catalogue (fine, JCPenny’s catalogue)))).

it has been officially announced that the seond season of HEROES will air in the UK on april 24th. now i find this announcement absolutely puzzling. why is there second season airing a decade after ours? the last time i checked, the time difference between the US and GMT is not six months. and even if my concept of time and space is fallible, surely they have the internet in the united kingdom? wouldn’t they be able to watch it on NBC.com? and even if they’re just reairing it or something on a different station than usual (i.e. the OFFICE on tbs), wouldn’t the ability to watch it online negate the necessity for an “official” announcement? surely, one would not issue an “official” announcement informing the public of the fact that C follows the letter B in the alphabet? i can’t explain why this enrages me so, but perhaps this post gives you a glimpse into what my life is like.

according to scifi.com, the HEROES season premiere will be on sept. 15, not the 7th (thereby increasing the probability of my not being alive to actually see it). i am pretty excited, though, that the premiere is being touted as a two hour “film.” perhaps i will host some sort of event, wherein attendees dress as  characters from HEROES and eat a variety of food that will be cleverly named. which may or may not be that exciting, since the characters kind of dress like normal people anyways. maybe i’d just try to invite friends that would reflect the ethnic breakdown of the cast. but i would like to see joshua in a cheerleading outfit…

on a more solemn note, kristen bell is evidently in talks to star in some new show, meaning that she probably wouldn’t be sticking around HEROES much longer. that truly saddens me since she was probably the sole new character i enjoyed. (if they bring alejandro back from the dead to fill the void left by an absent elle, i’m pretty sure my brain would explode.)

hopefully in all this time these writers have, they actually develop some kind of story arc.

btw: the final season of battlestar galactica airs friday night at 10 on sci fi. check it out. if you haven’t seen any of the episodes left, then watch this quick review. seriously, what else are you going to do with your life?

poetry.

so why don’t you give it a try, you neanderthal?

much to my dismay, it has been announced that HEROES will not return until the fall. the exact date is monday, sept. 7. to save you the math, that’s 161 days from now. ponder this: i may not even be ALIVE in 161 days. in fact, none of us may be alive that long.

on the “bright” side, NBC has ordered 25 episodes instead of the usual 22. based on my perousal of various other blogs and heroes news sites, this is supposed to please us. but as far as bright sides go, this is pretty dim. i mean, come on: the second season ended after only the eleventh episode. thus, my calculator watch informs me that we were cheated of exactly 11 episodes. so instead of 25, NBC should have ordered 33. maybe i should bring this to their attention, as i’m sure the executives who order the episodes opt for wearing “classy” watches which lack certain numerical functioning.

i do apologize for my obscene absence. after heroes went off the air i fell into a terrible depression. i withdrew from the world. i drank a lot. these were dark times for me. then a certain joshua g turned me on to the greatness that is…

battlestar galactica. as a result, i still drank a lot and i was still withdrawn from the world, but i now had a reason to go on living. btw: i also found a possible contender for the “most likely to make me gay” flying man award: